


Ghost Pizza

by Ciryes



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Slice of Life, give youmu a break 2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 19:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14195910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciryes/pseuds/Ciryes
Summary: Yuyuko wants dinner, and it is Youmu's humble duty to provide.





	Ghost Pizza

"Youmuuuu-chan!~"

To this day, nobody really knew why the Netherworld palace of Hakugyokurou had doors, because Yuyuko Saigyouji, resident ghost princess, would invariably float through a wall at her incredibly weird whims whenever she felt like it.

I mean, this is Japan, so the boundary between wall and door kind of blurs a little (thanks Yukari), but this doesn't really do much to stop Youmu from having a mini heart attack when she's suddenly being clung to by the excited wall-hopping spirit.

"Y-Yuyuko-sama!" she sputtered, and the wooden tray of dango she was holding clattered to the ground, sending colorful mochi in every direction. If Youmu's spirit wasn't already separate from her physical form, her soul _probably_ would have left her body at this point.

"Youmu-chan! I had the best idea for what we could have for dinner tonight!"

"You... you mentioned," Youmu said, voice still mildly tremulous. "You wanted dango, and so I just finished making you dango..."

"Eh? Dango? Did I really?" Yuyuko asked, putting a ponderous finger to her chin.

"Yes, you did..."

"Oh, really? Well, no matter, I'm not in the mood! Don't bother picking those up, I don't want them anymore."

She waved a dismissive hand at the spilled food, which Youmu had started to pick up, and the half-phantom stopped, awkwardly setting down the tray.

"So what was your new idea, Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu asked, trying to sound as patient as possible.

"Guess!"

"Wh-what?"

"I'm not telling you, you have to guess!"

"I-is this the thing where I battle you with danmaku and you tell me if I win?"

"Eh, you want to have a battle!?"

"N-no, I do not!"

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I was asking what you wanted to have for dinner..."

"Oh, yes! Youmu, I want pizza!"

"Wh-what?"

"Pizza!"

"Piza...?" the girl asked in confusion. "You mean, um... gyoza?"

"No, pizza! It's a food from the outside world! Yukari brought some for me to eat once, it was delicious! I'd like you to make it for me!"

"I... Yuyuko-sama, I've never even heard of this dish before, how am I supposed to make it?"

"You're a special girl, Youmu! I'm sure you'll figure it out!"

"But I don't--" Youmu began to stammer, but seeing Yuyuko's expression, her voice trailed off. "O... Okay, I'll try..."

"Good girl, Youmu!" Yuyuko giggled, and floated back out into the wall she came in through. Her head turned around just before she disappeared.

"Oh, and by the way, Youmu."

"Yes, Yuyuko-sama?"

"Are you going to pick up that dango?"

Youmu sighed, feeling a little more than half-dead as she picked up the spilled mochi.

* * *

 

Pizza. Consulting a few cookbooks had not made her job any easier. Pizza must have been some kind of esoteric outside world dish, and she was pretty sure she wasn't going to find it in the Konpaku clan recipe book.

So, she thought, she'd have to do some more independent research. The antique store, Kourindou, seemed like a good place to start, because outside world artifacts had a tendency to just kind of show up there. It only took her a few minutes to reach the Forest of Magic after flying down from the Netherworld gate, and the little store was easy enough to spot even from above, owing to the odd knick-knacks scattered around the premises.

The door clattered and a bell rang as she stepped inside, and the girl coughed a little on the cloud of dust this created. Across rows of shelves containing various forgotten items, the shopkeeper looked up from the counter, adjusting his glasses.

"Ah, Konpaku-san, welcome. Is there something I can help you find?

"O-oh, hello, Morichika-san," Youmu replied with a hint of nervousness. "I'm looking for pizza."

"...Pizza."

"I-I mean, a book! The pizza book! Th-the book with the pizza, the..."

Rinnosuke stared at Youmu as if she were crazy, which, frankly, wasn't really that incredible of an assumption, considering she was acting on Yuyuko's odd whims. She took a frantic breath and corrected herself.

"I'm... trying to find out how to make pizza for Yuyuko-sama, and was wondering if you had any recipe books like that." Her face was about as red as a tomato, but at least she was a tomato who managed to sputter out a clear sentence. Youmu had a hard time sounding confident without a sword in her hand, and that wasn't really a polite thing to do inside a store on account of the implied threat of armed robbery that would create. Youmu really didn't need to add 'tried to steal a cookbook at swordpoint' to the list of reasons Rinnosuke thought she was crazy today.

"Ah," the shopkeeper replied, and began to poke through the shelves. "If it's Italian cuisine you're looking for, I might have something. Let me look."

"Th-thank you, sir!"

After a moment of searching, Rinnosuke took out a dusty book with a picture of pasta on the front cover, next to a cartoon illustration of a smiling chef. Not that Youmu know this. Youmu was staring at the unfamiliar meal in mixed amazement and fear of having to cook something like that, and wondering why the man drawn on the front had such a strange hat.

"This should have several recipes you could try. I hope you and the lady of Hakugyokurou find them to your liking."

Rinnosuke handed the book to Youmu, and she began to flick through the pages until she saw 'pizza'. It called for a few uncommon ingredients, and the method of preparation was a little unfamiliar. Still, she had to try for Yuyuko's sake. She should be able to handle this recipe using the cooking skills she already had. Deep in concentration with her nose stuck in the book, she would have left the shop if not for-

"Konpaku-san, regretfully, I am not running a nonprofit organization here. Payment is still going to be required."

"A-ah! Payment! R-right, I have to, pay for it-"

Youmu nervously dropped a few coins on the countertop, bowed apologetically, and fled the store before she was able to make any more embarrassing mistakes, ghost half flailing in panic as it followed her.

* * *

 

Youmu took a deep breath as she stared at the table, where she had laid out all the ingredients she would need to make pizza. Flour for dough, tomatoes from the garden, fresh cheese, various herbs and spices, peppers, meats and onions. One of the pizza recipes required pineapple, and she was like 70% sure that was a weird outside world joke or something.

She started by rolling out the dough into a circle like the recipe specified, and although it wasn't a _perfect_ circle, she felt pretty proud of how she'd done. She then began preparing a sauce using the tomatoes, which was messier than she was expecting it to be. Getting the sauce onto the pizza was an even _messier_ affair, and her hands were more than a little tomato-ey by the time she finished. Now came cheese, which was easy to sprinkle on, and finally, the meat and vegetables, carefully and expertly chopped. She then carefully placed the whole thing over the fire, and left to set the table.

Youmu was always sure to make dinner as luxurious an affair as she could, for Yuyuko's enjoyment, and so she was very meticulous in how she set the table. Today, rather than the usual setup, she provided western knives and forks, because that was the traditional way to eat pizza, apparently. She admired her handiwork with a satisfied smile, and dusted off her hands.

"Yuyuko-sama, dinner should be ready soon!"

Like an excited dog, the ghostly lady of the house took her seat, licking her lips in anticipation. With a polite smile and bow, Youmu went to take out the finished meal.

All was well. She had prepared an unfamiliar dish with expertise, Yuyuko was happy, she hadn't taken much time at all, and the pizza was on fire.

...Uh.

**WAIT, THE PIZZA WAS ON FIRE!?**

Silent panic gripped Youmu's entire form as she stared in disbelief at the slowly-charring remains of what was once a delicious pizza. What was she supposed to do!? Yuyuko was waiting for a pizza now! She couldn't start all over again, She'd take forever and Yuyuko would be disappointed and probably disown her as a consequence!

Okay, think, Youmu, think. Thinking is better than crying, which she is admittedly doing a little here. What would Youki do in this situation?

_"No duel is fought without error, Youmu. You will fall, you will slip, you will loose your footing. Do not become discouraged, but flow like water. Do not admit defeat, but rather, use your error as a footing from which you will launch your next attack."_

...Youmu was going to make another pizza, and grandpa was going to be proud.

Rolling out the base with renewed vigor, mashing tomatoes with typhoon force, spreading the sauce and coating the base in cheese. It was going well enough, but there was no way she was going to be able to chop the vegetables and the meat in time.

...Not with a knife, at least.

"This Roukanken, forged by youkai!" the girl exclaimed, raising her sturdy blade above her head as she flung the vegetables into the air, "There is nothing it cannot cut!"

The world seemed to fade into slow motion as adrenaline coursed through Youmu's veins. With a series of precise, impossibly fast cuts, she sliced the vegetables into perfectly-sized pieces, which fell upon the pizza in a perfect distribution. Throwing the entire pie into the air, the girl bathed it in scorching blue spirit-fire from her glowing blade, singeing it to the perfect degree, and caught it in her free hand. It was hot. It was really hot, and she had to put it onto a plate and cry a little. That was really stupid.

...But more importantly, the pizza was finished! The perfect pizza for Yuyuko-sama, she had done it! The half-phantom was out of breath, but as relieved as she was exhausted, for she had served her mistress well once again.

"Yuyuko-sama, your pizza is finished," Youmu declared proudly, setting down the dish with a delighted grin.

"Ooh, well done!" The ghost clapped her hands happily. "But, hmm, Youmu?"

"Yes, Yuyuko-sama?"

"Do you think we can have ramen instead?"


End file.
